To Drive or Not to Drive...who decides and when?

Mr Magoo was a cartoon charachter when I was a kid. In spite of his vision challenges he always seemed to survive and thrive.

“She took our car away”.  That is what my mom said when anyone mentioned travel.  My parents were in the early 80’s. Mom could still see but was in a wheelchair due to a stroke.  She had not driven in 2 years; and Dad wore glasses with prisms to deal with double vision.  He was starting to get dementia as well. I did not actually take the car.  But I was relieved when Dad received a notice from the motor vehicle department to take an eye test and could not pass it.  He had no peripheral vision.  He was happy to not have responsibility for the car and asked me what to do.  I suggested we sell it to a used car dealer and he agreed. Mom was angry and upset as we headed to the car dealer a week later.  “We won’t be able to go anywhere!  I can see.”  She proceeded to read the street signs and car tags to me.  I did not let her know that she could see better than me. “But your legs don’t work,” I countered.  Her plan was to navigate for Dad.  They had already become lost trying this method, when she forgot to tell him to turn. And Dad had a minor accident that was his fault. Driving was no longer a good idea for them.

Mom never got over me helping dad get rid of the car. Even though for the rest of their lives, I would visit often and pick them up regularly for outings.  In the back of my mind, I knew one day that it would be me depending on others for transportation. I would probably give up at a younger age than them due to my vision issues.  To that end I planned to make my own decision before I was forced to turn in my license.  In 2024 my driving ended by my choice and as I envisioned at an earlier age.

I did have a few close calls before that.  Once when I was still driving all hours, it was raining and dark after evening choir practice.  It took me 2 hours instead of 15 minutes to get home because I missed a turn.  Then I started only driving during the day, but still the rain was an issue.  Halos and starburst effect are a problem for some of us even in daylight. If you want to understand what this is like, apply some Vasalene to your windshield and smear it around to get an idea of how I sometimes see things.

I still get some push back about my decision because others think I see well enough.  They just don’t know what I cannot see. I am at peace with my decision.  My husband drives or we take taxis. 

If you don’t feel confident driving anymore, rest assured there are plenty of ways to get places.  If you live in a rural area where taxis are scarce, ask someone to post a notice in local stores or at churches for a driver.  You could even have a friend screen prospective drivers before you meet the person.  Check with local law enforcement or social services.  Some doctors will do zoom visits for those who are home bound.  I used to have a business visiting seniors in their homes to help with paperwork and paying bills.  Shopping online with home delivery can be fun, too.  Sometimes I forget what I ordered so it’s like getting a surprise in the mail.  Happy Birthday to me!

In 2007 at age 85, Mom went ‘home,’ as we say in the South.  Dad joined her in 2011 at age 89.  I miss them, but I don’t miss driving and I am not nearly as old as they were when I stopped..