The Girl in the Yellow Dress…
… was the story I was never going to tell even as I continued to journal. Getting the story on paper was my way of coping. Someday I would burn the words, but they stay etched in my memory. But truth has a way of bubbling to the surface. It has been many years since I first shared my story and those involved have moved on. So have I, mostly until someone needs to hear and I have permission to share.
It was a lovely sunny Sunday morning. I was sharing my testimony at a church when it was still very painful although several years had passed since the incident I was describing and how our family coped. I knew what I shared would impact a certain person or maybe a couple of people. Afterward a lady came up to me. “There is a woman in the bathroom crying who wants to talk with you,” she said. I took a deep breath and headed to the lady’s room. And I listened. I just listened. I had no answers, but she needed somebody to listen and to know. What she shared is her story to tell, not mine.
After I came out of the restroom the other lady came back up to me and wanted to know what was shared. She began by explaining: “I am a crisis counsellor. In every audience there is always someone, a hurt person, who needs help. I have come to call that person the girl in the yellow dress. I have been friends with the lady you counselled for a long time and always felt there was something she was holding back. Please tell me what she said.” My reply was, “If she wants you to know, then she will tell you. So go ask.” I would see that crisis counsellor in the future and inquire if she ever got the answer. “No.” I understood why. She was too close to the problem. Sometimes we need anonymous help from Godly wise counsellors. But in the end, we must make our own prayerful decisions.
I never saw that lady in yellow again. I hope she got the help she needed. Maybe it helped her to know there was someone who could understand and could tell the story. There was someone who could stop the evildoers.
I am grateful for the law enforcement who expose it and hold those people accountable. They also support the survivors. I also appreciate the medical professionals and counsellors who do not shy away from it. They give the sufferers a voice. They help to restore identity from a childhood that was stolen. I also appreciate the prayer warriors who never give up.
The truth is while church people care, churches are often ill-equipped to handle certain issues. But we will go to the doctor for a broken bone. We should also be able to seek medical or professional attention for a broken heart or damaged spirit.
Churches have “prayer chains or circles.” These can be wonderful, well-meaning prayer warriors, but they can also turn into gossip groups if people are not careful and share too much. I have spoken to pastor’s wives who must go outside their congregation for support. Pastors have their own outside support and accountability groups. Those who don’t, may suffer and make unwise decisions.
We think we are supposed to be transparent, but privacy is important. It protects us and those we love. “Don’t throw your pearls before swine.”
We have questions, heavy stuff that needs an answer. How is our peace regained when we are called on to forgive the unforgivable? Are we to just forgive everyone without any accountability? What does that look like? I am still not sure. But we can let go of past hurt by deciding those things will not rule over us. We can be aware that vengeance belongs to the Creator. “Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you.”
There is a Bible story about a king who shared too much information. King Hezekiah showed some visitors from Babylon everything he owned. The prophet told him his kingdom would be lost. 2 Kings 20:12
What about that girl, the one we call The Girl in the Yellow Dress? Do you know her? She might be sitting nearby. She might be you. If she decides to talk, just listen, but don’t share. It is her story to tell. I speak mostly to women, but this could apply to men as well. I will say it again, “don’t throw your pearls before swine.” Be careful who you trust. Seek out mature Godly believers. It can take some time to really get to know someone. Take your time. Read the Word. Pray before sharing. Pray if you are the listener who is trusted. And keep it to yourself. Our job is to be an encourager. 1 Thes. 5:11. Read it in context, please.
Once there was a young girl who was the victim of a crime at the hands of someone we trusted in a place where she should have felt safe, a church. I kept her secret until she was ready to tell her story. I am very proud of her and how allowing her story to be told helped so many. Because of her, there was a law passed to identify predators and keep children safer.
Here is a website where you can get some information in my current location:
NANE https://nane.hu/en
I don’t often listen to the stories of others anymore. I am not a professional counsellor. But if I do hear someone start to share something along these lines, I have a couple of rules: I can keep it confidential if it is not currently happening, if the person sharing is not in danger of being hurt or of hurting themselves. Then advice may be given on how they might get help, but it is up to them. I once advised a friend to have a hypothetical chat with a health care provider to see how they might respond before sharing too much. It went well for them.
I encourage churches to get training to support hurting people. A church should be a place of healing and safety.
Bad things happen that may shake our faith, then we start listening to the other guys. We may go to the latest guru or self-help book. I read a few of those and I watched videos from "experts" (some may have been real ones). Now the younger generation is checking everything on AI. (see my thought on that in another blog: Consider the Source) But I always lined up what they were saying to my Source, the Living Word of God. I am your Provider. I am the God who heals. Psalm 34:18. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Just so you know I am not some superbeliever who gets it all right. I fail and that is why I need a Savior and Lord. I am still a child in God's eyes and one who needs to continue to grow and trust in HIm. It's good to be His child. I hope you are too.
I have moved far beyond what happened so long ago. But knowing some still struggle I continue to share and hope this may help someone going through a hard experience. To learn more about our family’s struggle and how it impacted us, you can go to this link.
Someday I may write that book.
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